We like cruising…and we do it well….and often. Also, if you haven’t figured it out yet, I am frugal……that is a gross understatement…… I am downright cheap. I am the guy that uses a military discount in a thrift store on a $1 purchase,…which I charge to a credit card get 2.6% back. I eat at Taco Bell, order off the dollar menu, and request a free senior drink and discount. Then I log the receipt on the Taco Bell app to get free tacos. So the thought of me gambling hundreds to thousands of dollars in a casino, in international waters, just doesn’t just seem out of the ordinary….its “F…in” nuts. But there Reva and I were, sitting in front of a slot machine betting $4.80 a spin and wondering if we should bet more. So how the hell did this happen?

Let me tell you the story.

I always wondered why the casinos at sea were full all of the time. You can’t make money gambling and who monitors casinos on foreign flagged vessels in international waters anyway? Luckily for us, we made friends with a couple of serious cruisers/gamblers on our travels. Lets call them J and J…there real names are John and Jim so I’m not making too big of a leap. Now these are relatively normal people…certainly more normal than me (just ask Reva), and they love to gamble and think that gambling on ships is awesome. So I’m curious, why?

Well it turns out that the casinos on RCL (that’s Royal Caribbean …for rookies) is managed by MGM Casinos. Well they are legit! Also, they have a fantastic loyalty program in conjunction with RCL.

Casino Royale Rewards has four levels: Choice (you made a bet), Prime (2,500 points), Signature (25,000 points) and Masters (you don’t have a life or any money left). Our target was to get to the Prime level. At the Prime level you get several benefits including a free cruise of up to 7 days (interior cabin for two) and free drinks at the casino bar anytime the casino is open. Now you must earn these points between April 1 and March 31 which qualifies you for immediate Prime status for the remainder of that year and all of the next. You will get your free cruise certificate on April 1 and you have one year to use it. Additionally, if you get 2,500 points on one cruise, then you are given a certificate for a free cruise on the spot. The catch is that you have to choose a cruise off of a list which changes monthly. The annual cruise has almost no limitations. You only have to pay the taxes and the tips on board.

So this being September, making Prime would give us two free cruises plus free drinks in the casino for 1.5 years…..that is quite a deal since we have multiple RCL cruises already booked. But how do you earn points? It turns out that every $5 bet on a slot machine is worth 1 point and every $10 bet on a video poker game is also a point.

But what about playing the tables? Turns out there you only get 10 points for playing one hour making $10 bets. That means if you are betting $10 a hand, you would need to play for 250 hours! That would be physically impossible on a seven or even 70 day cruise. Also, the amount of money you would have to bet would be crazy!

So what should this cost. Well if you were playing slots and never won anything, you would need to spend $12,500. That would suck for two cruises and some drinks. But, typically in Las Vegas, most casinos boast of a 90% return (this casino is run by MGM) so in that case it would cost $1,250 for Prime status. If you had an 80% return, it would cost $2,500. Now on video poker your expected return is 97.3%, so although it takes $10 per point, it should cost you less. $675 dollars total actually. But video poker could take you a much longer time and you have to play the strategy perfectly.

I ran my numbers by J and J and they pointed out, that statistically that is correct, but since you have some people winning big and many losing, the percentages can be skewed greatly. John offered to be our gambling coach and to show us how its done if we want to give it a shot. Reva and I talked about it and since the government for some reason said they were going to stimulate us with $2,800 (haven’t seen that yet…but they said they were sending to us), we though what the hell…lets help the casino out. Cruises and drinking stimulates us!

So before the cruise, I went to the bank and took out $2,000 in 100s to feed to the machines.

Day 1: “So John teach me.” John is a good cruise friend and a hard core gambler. He loves cruising, slots, good food and rum. Not a bad person to know. While the casino was closed he took me on a quick tour and here is a summary of what he told me:

1. Play the penny slot machines (avoid the higher cost machines you get more action that way.)
2. Pick a machine that has good payouts. One of his favorites is “Buffalo” where you can play four games at once. They have other games on the machine as well…but he is a “Buffalo” man. The betting amounts for four buffalo games playing on one machine at the same time are; 1X bet is $1.60, 2x is $3.20, 3x is $4.80, 4x is $6.40, and 5x is $8. If you change the games, the cost could be slightly lower but similar. He normally plays 2-4x bets.
3. Don’t bet the max, that seems not to pay as well. Bet up when the machine is winning and bet lower when you are not hitting.
4. Every machine will hit sometime and sometimes multiple times close together. You can’t judge them.
5. Some times you need to feed the machine and sometimes you need to go play a different one, just use your feelings.
6. If you get bored or tired ….. leave and come back later.
7. Also, periodically change the games and reset the machine by cashing out and re-feeding it. This probably doesn’t do anything but might make you feel good.
8. Turn the volume up on the machine as loud as possible. That makes it as annoying as possible for others and they may not sit next to you.

Reasonable rules I thought. That night Reva and I put our first $100 in and started the process. Of course, first we had to see if had any promotional credit in our accounts. If you cruise often, the casino gives you $5 or so to get you started. Good sign, they gave me $8 to begin!

Later that night John smiled and told us that he and Jim didn’t need to gamble on this cruise. The casino had already given them free cruise certificates and placed them their stateroom. Apparently, they were desperate to welcome gamblers back. If they did gamble,however, their free cruise stateroom would be upgraded from interior to a higher class. I knew that John didn’t pay much at all for his cruises since he loved to play slots. His comment in the past was, “I am going to gamble anyway, so why not earn free cruises.”

J and J were playing machines beside us. On our first few spins, we won nothing. Then it happened! The machine announced “BUFFALO” and began making the clanging sounds of coins. Lights were going off and buzzers were buzzing. I watched the wheels spinning. When it was all over, we had won $2.40. Wow, all that for winning $2.40 on a $4.80 bet and to think I only have to do this another 2,601 times.

Reva and I alternated pushing the button and before long our $100 was down to $40. Then John looked over and said “that is a good one”. I hadn’t notice with all the noise the machine was making all the time, but this time it was happier than before. “How much is that?” John replied “$358.00…not bad.” John new the payout of every combination and could spit them out without hesitation. I thought to myself, “how much f…ing time does he spend on this game”.

It took us about 45 minutes to lose that even with another $100+ win and be back to $56. At that point we told the J’s that we were going to play some video poker to mix it up and went over to the other side of the casino. We played $5 bets on the video poker and we did quite well. We ended the night with $150 and had 220 points. Almost 10 percent to the 2,500 points but we had spent over 3 hours in the casino. At that rate we would need to spend 30 hours in the casino. Of course, we hadn’t lost any money and were up $50….but that wouldn’t last. This could turn out to be more of a job than a vacation.

Day 2: This was a sea day so the Casino was open all day. Our plan was to stop in often during the day in between trivia, meals, bumper cars and rock wall climbing……this was a vacation after all. We met up with our other friends on the cruise, Mike and Jean, and asked them what they did the previous night. It was their first cruise on an RCL ship. They had followed us to the casino but Mike likes to play Blackjack and we had lost track of him. He had played for about an hour and had amassed a total 3 points. Of course he was there for fun and not on a mission like we were.

As the day progressed, our luck turned, unfortunately. After another 3-4 hours in the casino we were up to 630 points but we were down $450. I was happy we were on track to the 2,500 points but we were spending a lot of time. We found that different slot machines had different volume levels and found some that were a little quieter.

Day 3: This was a port day but we didn’t dock in Juneau until the afternoon…..more time to gamble. “You know John plays faster than we do”, I said to Reva. “He pushes the button faster, let’s try that”. “Wow, wish we had figured that out earlier!” It turns out that, on a winning spin (not in the bonus), if you hit the button a second time, the machine stops it’s clanking, whirling, screaming and banging and just tells you how much you won. “This is going to save us hours”, I told Reva. Now if you are lucky enough to win a bonus; three gold coins anywhere on the reel, you can’t stop the machine during its 10 free spins. If during the 10 free spins (on the Buffalo game) two gold coins come up, you get another 5 spins. This is where you may win a lot of money or almost nothing, but you are going to have wait til the machine is finished.

After, taking a boat out to watch whales in the rain we were ready for dinner and getting back to the casino. J and J took the night off from gambling. John’s comment was that he felt it wasn’t a good day to gamble.

John was probably right, at the end of the day we had spent $720 dollars and accumulated 780 points. I was starting to get a little worried, I had brought $2,100 with me total and we were getting close to an 80% return from our bets. That meant that “Prime” would cost us about $2,500. John advised, not to worry about it, “We will get you there”.

Day 4: Another Port day, this time we would be in Skagway the entire day and it was beautiful. The Casino is closed when docked and we headed off to a full day of hiking and drinking beer in the local breweries. Didn’t even make it back for lunch. After bumper cars and dinner we headed back to the Casino. This time Reva played on one machine while I played on the one next to her (You can play as many machines as you want on the same account as long as you log in first.) we also learned that if you don’t pay attention, you can easily be playing in the wrong account or not earning points…we only did that once. The J’s took machines next to us and we had a good evening of pushing each others buttons, laughing, drinking and joking. John hit a jackpot just over the $1,200 limit, where it has to be reported to the IRS. Interesting, although we are on a foreign flagged vessel in international waters, you still have to pay taxes on your winnings. Also, you can only deduct your losses if you itemize your deductions….so you are screwed if you win more that $1,200 on any one spin. John didn’t care however….its just part of the game. The casino actually can withhold a portion of your winnings and send it directly to the IRS, and you fill the paperwork out while you are sitting at the machine….who knew?

By the end of the night and before we headed off to do go dancing, we had spent $1,000 and had 937 points…..this was not going as planned.

Day 5: Another full day in Port. Sitka Alaska was the former capital of the Russian Territory and where Russia turned it over to the US…and another beautiful town. After a great day full of Eagles, Salmon and Totem Poles we were ready to head back to the ship for a couple of days of gambling….excuse me cruising, back to Seattle. But first, I made a stop at the local Wells Fargo Bank to grab another $500 just in case. Now, as I said I am cheap. I could just charge the money that we were spending in the casino to our room but that would incur a 5% charge. Now that charge goes away when you reach “Prime” status, but I wasn’t sure if it was retroactive. But back to the ship some indoor sky diving and more bumper car action.

We didn’t have a great night in the Casino but we held our own and after a few hours had our point level up to 1,250 ….halfway there with two sea days to go. We had spent $1,300 total. Statistically, we should have already had the status and free cruise…..but it doesn’t always work according to plan. However, we were committed and were going to do this!

Day 6: Glaciers, bumper cars, trivia and Buffalo! In between watching the fantastic scenery, eating and enjoying vacation we were working. This gambling thing had become more of job than we had planned in retirement and we were focused that this was going to be our day. That night we split time between dancing and gambling and were having a good time. J and J were gambling right with us giving us encouragement and having fun. Jim had over 2,000 points and John was well over 4,000. At one point Jim hit a bonus and kept getting extra spins. He walked away from the machine while it was playing on its own and came over to where we were playing for what seemed like 10 minutes. That was a $800 win or so for him. We didn’t have that luck but were did have some. We were finally getting into a rhythm and having fun. We called it a night sometime after midnight when we had amassed 2,425 points! We now had spent $1,500, so that last 1,200 points had only cost us $200.

Day 7: Cruising and collecting! We hit the casino around 10:00 to check with the Casino Host and finish up our last 75 points. The host didn’t come in until 11:00 so we had a few minutes to “Buffalo” and play some video poker. We finally finished shortly after 11:00 with 2,503 points. We had spent $1,625 including the extra $50 we got from cashing in our points.

The host checked his computer, congratulated us and printed off our free cruise certificate. He also gave us a list of 50 cruises that we could pick from. We had 30 days to choose which one we wanted and pay the taxes and fees. If we had chosen while we were on the ship, we actually would have been given additional on-board credit but we decided we wanted time to figure things out. The Casino Host put a “Prime” Sticker on my Seapass card and I immediately went to the bar and asked for a Diet Coke. They looked at my card and handed me a can of soda. Nothing to swipe or sign…..I am going to like this!

Jim ended up with over 2,500 points but I didn’t know what his investment was. John had over 5,000 points and had hit three jackpots….he won $5,000! I am not sure how Mike did overall but he had a good time and ended up with 10 points. You can’t do this playing the tables.

Aftermath: When we got back home after the cruise, Reva and I went to the Club Royale Casino Offers webpage and found that our certificate was already loaded into the system and we could book the cruise directly on-line. But instead of 50 cruises to choose from there was well over 100. We selected a seven day cruise out of San Juan in the spring with 5 ports, two of which would be new to us. I looked up the price of the cruise on Vacationstogo.com and the wholesale price would have been $1,145.22 plus $191.34 taxes and fees. Our cost with the certificate was $191.34. I was offered to upgrade to a balcony for $700 total, but we turned that down. Now the other cruise certificate we will get in April will be more valuable, since it can be used for any cruise in the world almost anytime of the year (Holidays excluded).

One of the things they don’t advertise well are the special offers the Casino sends out to its Prime and above members. A little over a week after the cruise, we received our first offer … $100 off best price for any cruise before the end of the year, inside cabin. Now that didn’t sound like much, but we found a five day cruise for $178. Out cost: $78 plus taxes and fees. $500 total for two….not bad. J and J both were offered additional free cruises. Jim’s was for an oceanview cabin. I an not sure what John was offered, but it had to be better.

Would I do this again. Damn right! In April, next year we have a two week transatlantic cruise and we will try this again but on Reva’s account. Hopefully, that will get us two more cruises and cost us less….wings crossed.

EPILOGUE: Wait more deals and free cruises!

Shortly after we got off the ship, I began checking the Casino Royale Offers page and received an offer for $100 off any cruise in the next three months. Not much of an offer but still something. Reva and I didn’t take advantage of that offer, but did decide to take a short cruise for our anniversary at the end of September.

We selected a four-day Mariner of the Seas sailing out of Port Canaveral. On the ship, one of the benefits we have from our Diamond Plus status, is a free $8 of promotional play in the casino. Now we did not plan on gambling on this cruise, but we never pass up free money. So our first evening on the ship we hit the casino. We played through Reva’s $8 on video poker and I logged in to use mine. After a few games (0.25 per game), I heard someone behind me. “Oba are you Oba?”. While we were playing the Casino Host had walked up behind us. “Yes”, I replied somewhat shocked. “Oba, I have a free cruise certificate for you.” I told her that that must be a mistake since I was given a cruise certificate on the previous cruise. “No, this is an additional free cruise”. She replied, “and if you book it on-board we will give you additional on-board credit.” Really, that can’t be right…but it was!

We went over to the casino bar and sat down. Cookie was the bartender and looked at our room cards. She only needed to look once. The wine flowed all week! When I asked her about John and Jim, she new of John and laughed. “Mr. Jim was here the last three cruises and sat in the same chair you are sitting.” Small world, I thought…..I think I am going to like playing this game with the casino….as long as it lasts.